Taking the First Steps
Relax. Take a deep breath. Your first job is to keep everything in perspective. Even though it might feel like it sometimes, your decision to homeschool isn’t about your mother (or your in-laws, or anyone else). This is about your children, your happiness, your husband, your home! This is about what works best for your family, not what works best for everyone else. Remember why you made this decision in the first place and stand firm. Be sure of yourself and your resolve to homeschool, and you’ll have an easier time addressing the skeptics in your life.
A good way to begin is to sit down and write a list of reasons why you homeschool. Check out this link for ideas on how to get started with your own list: Why I Homeschool
Keep it in your purse . . . or by the phone. This list really helped me to stay focused when I was talking to my mother. This made it easier to answer her questions and not get upset.
Understand Where They’re Coming From
Try to figure out why the critics in your life stand so strongly against your decision to homeschool. If you really understand where they’re coming from, you can get into their heads and deal with all of their unrealistic fears. Here are some great ideas mothers have shared with me:
- Are they feeling guilty? Sometimes people are uncomfortable because they feel that if your decision to homeschool is right, then their decision to public school was wrong – and no one likes to feel that they’ve made a bad choice for their family. If this is the case, explain that what works for one family may not work for another: “We’re all different, and just because I think that homeschool is the answer for my family, that doesn’t mean that I think that everyone should homeschool.” This can work wonders to relieve their public school guilt and fears, and can also help to bring them over to your side.
- Do they really know what’s going on in public schools today? Remember that your parents are from an older generation and their image of public school may be idealized. Schools were better when they were kids and they might not be aware of just how dangerous or mediocre most public schools have become these days. Keep your eye out for newspaper or magazine articles that reveal the poor state of our public schools today. Try to find articles about your community so that the information can really hit home. Tip: Don’t clip articles out of homeschool books or magazines. These won’t have the same impact as pieces from what might be considered “unbiased” sources. Don’t give them the opportunity to say, “Well of course they’d say that, they’re homeschoolers!”
What Can You Teach Me Today, Grandma?
Sometimes people fear what they don’t know; so, if they live nearby, try including those homeschool skeptics in the teaching. Once they see how homeschool works and how comfortable and happy your children are in the homeschool environment, they just may embrace it. You know that your parents, in-laws, or whom-ever are good at something, why not allow them to pass on their expertise to your children? From knitting to car repair, your kids will gain valuable skills, not to mention the bonding time with grandma or grandpa (and not to mention the relief for you as some of the teaching burden is lifted from your shoulders).
Here are some other ways to involve family and friends in your homeschool experience:
- Support Groups If you’re involved in an active homeschool support group, why not bring them along to your next meeting? They will see how many families are homeschooling in your area, how dedicated they are to their kids’ educations, how well behaved and happy homeschooled children are, and they just might have some fun, too!
- Homeschool Mailings You’re probably signed up for all sorts of homeschool newsletters, email news groups, catalogs, and other mailings. Choose some of your best sources and sign your family members up to receive them, too. This can be a great way to involve family that doesn’t live nearby. If they’re getting your curriculum catalog they can see just how serious homeschool resources really are. And wouldn’t it be nice to have discussions about curriculum instead of arguments about homeschool?
- Scrapbooks Another way to involve family that lives far away is with a homeschool scrapbook. Take notes about your child’s progress; take pictures of them working on that great science project; include copies of some of their best writings; and whatever else you can think of. This can act as a sort of progress report or yearbook. Scrapbooks are also great ways for you to keep tabs on your child’s progress and stay focused on your goals. Check out the Clever Homeschooler article in this issue for more scrapbooking ideas.
- FAQs Are they still unconvinced? Well, if they have access to the internet, why not send them to a good FAQ site? FAQs (frequently asked questions) are a great way to answer all of your critics' questions without really having to deal with it yourself. Check out our FAQs for a good place to get started.
When Enough is Enough
If none of these tips work, you’ll need to find a way to calm the storm. Can you agree to disagree? Set boundaries and rules – and be firm. Write a list of rules that everyone must follow. Here’s help to get you started:
- We cannot argue about homeschool in my home.
- If you call to fight, I will end the conversation.
- If you bring it up when I’m in your home, I’ll have to leave.
- You cannot argue about homeschool in front of my children.
- You don’t need to agree with me but support is always welcome.
Present this list, in writing, once. End of subject. Sure, it sounds harsh, but I only recommend this in those extreme cases where anti-homeschool attitudes are disrupting your home and your peace.
Remember to always have faith in yourself and your decisions. Hopefully these tips will help make homeschool fans of everyone in your family! If not, just devote your energy to your children and your dedication to homeschool, not to your critics. And in the end, your children’s success and happiness will be the only proof that any one needs to see!
Happy Homeschooling,
Amber